


Unchartered Terrain

by Tazza1993



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:19:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazza1993/pseuds/Tazza1993
Summary: "Let's go the beach," Liv said.Aaron's heart sank."Not today, of all days," he thought.OrAaron faces some demons the day before there is a new addition to the Sugden/Dingle clan.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For Robron Week (Family Time Prompt).
> 
> I know that in canon, Aaron's criminal record will probably prevent them from adopting. But in my little world, they've somehow managed to get past that (bribe from Robert maybe, ha).

It was Robert's idea for the three of them to have one last day out together before everything changed. Aaron knew that his husband was worried about how Liv would adjust to such a big change during a pivotal point in her life. She was about to start her A Levels and Aaron and Robert were about to gain a child.

 

"Maybe she'll think we're replacing her, before she's even gone," Robert had whispered, late at night, to Aaron.

 

"Nar, we've done a good job with her, Rob," Aaron had reassured him. "She's all grown up now. She knows we love her. She gets it."

 

"It's just..." Robert struggled to put his concern into words. "I know what it's like to feel pushed out of a family. Like you don't belong."

 

Aaron had wrapped himself around Robert in the dark and hugged him tightly. He hugged him because Robert still bore so many unhealed wounds from his childhood and teenage years that would never fully disappear. He hugged him because, after years of struggle, Robert had managed to bury the part of himself that hid his worries from Aaron. He hugged him because, despite all of the odds, Robert loved Liv as fiercely as Aaron did and wasn't afraid to show it. He was going to make one hell of a father, Aaron thought proudly. Sometimes, he felt an inconceivable urge to laugh at how far they had come. It had started with a blowjob in a garage and it had ended in marriage and fatherhood. Then, Aaron supposed, it was more of a new beginning than an ending.

 

"We won't ever let her feel like that," Aaron promised fiercely.

 

There was a brief lull in the conversation, before Robert spoke again. "Aaron?" he said. "Are you scared?"

 

Aaron thought about their son, with his big, brown eyes and high pitched giggle. He imagined him lying in his bed, picturing his new parents. "Terrified," Aaron admitted. "But excited too."

 

"Me too." Robert squeezed Aaron's hand. "It feels strange though doesn't it? It's always just been the three of us. Feels like the end of an era, in a way. Should we do something to commemorate it?"

 

"Like what?" Aaron asked.

 

"Dunno... a trip out or something. Let's do something tomorrow, just the three of us."

 

"Okay, whatever you want, Rob."

 

Robert leaned over and kissed his husband gently on the mouth. "Night, Aaron."

 

"Night, Robert."

 

***

 

Liv strapped herself into the back seat of their car, all gangly legs and blonde braids. Aaron couldn't believe how grown up she seemed to have become recently. She was barely recognisable as the mouthy, frightened fourteen year old that had barrelled into their lives. She seemed to have gained a sort of elusive sense of self confidence and belief that Aaron had been too busy burying his demons at sixteen to find. She was planning on going to university. She had started to wear make up, although her face was bare today. Sometimes, Aaron desperately wanted to freeze the moment and cling to his cheeky, kind hearted, little sister while he still could.

 

"Where to, Liv? Your choice," Robert said from the driver's seat. He had shed his usual layers for a designer polo shirt and jeans today. Sunglasses were poking out his pocket and his leather jacket was thrown over his lap. There had been a time when Aaron would never have believed that he would have this. This man - this family.

 

Liv looked out of the window, noting the bright morning sunshine glaring down on the car. "Let's go to the beach," she suggested, already rooting in her pockets to find her headphones.

 

Aaron's heart sank. Aaron hadn't been to a beach since the day he had broke down and told his mother about Gordon's abuse. Beaches, the young and still innocent Aaron and the inevitable crushing of that innocence were a jumbled mess in his mind. Try as he might, Aaron hadn't been able to separate his best ever childhood memory from what came afterwards since the trial. But, Liv was happily oblivious to his aversion to the seaside and he couldn't bring himself to dredge up the spectre of Gordon on what was intended to be a happy day.

 

He saw Robert give him a searching look, the car still stationary. Robert could always tell when there was something wrong with Aaron. He would understand if Aaron refused. But then, Aaron had allowed Gordon to ruin his life for too long. If Liv wanted to go to the beach then they were going to the beach.

 

"The beach it is then," Aaron said. If his voice shook a little, he was fairly certain that no one noticed.

 

***

 

It wasn't the same beach - of course it wasn't. There was sand and water and rock pools but that was where the similarities ended. The beach from his memories had been quiet and still in the early February air. In contrast, this beach was a jumbled mess of people and children's' shouts echoed through the air. Aaron shook his head to dislodge the memories and urged himself to focus on his family - on the here and now.

 

Robert bought the three of them ice creams. Liv and Aaron opted for mint chocolate chip, Robert got strawberry (Aaron once made the mistake of calling his choice poncey. The evening had ended with Aaron licking strawberry ice cream off Robert's naked body. He'd never questioned Robert's ice cream taste since). They sat in a row on the sand, looking out towards the crowds of people. It was the summer holidays and the beach was dotted with young families. Next year, Aaron and Robert might be on their knees in the sand, building sandcastles with their son. Maybe, they'll rent a caravan somewhere. Aaron is a big advocate of Blackpool but he already knows that Robert will argue that it's tacky. He smiled at the thought.

 

Liv ruffled through the canvas bag she brought along with her and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. They were the pair that Aaron and Robert bought her in Vegas when they eventually managed to rearrange the trip. She put them on and pushed her braids further behind her ears. "Shouldn't you two be getting sorted out for tomorrow, anyway?" she asked.

 

"Nar, we're sorted," Aaron shrugged, smiling at his sister.

 

"How hard can it be anyway, raising a kid?" Robert joked. "Can't be any worse than you." He reached forward and pulled at Liv's braid teasingly.

 

"Get off," she laughed, shoving his hand away. "I was a piece of cake compared to a snotty five year old. You two are in for such a shock."

 

"At least he won't be giving us lip for a few years yet," Aaron snorted.

 

Deep down, the reality of being responsible for another human being was beginning to hit Aaron. Liv was different - she was already partially raised by the time Aaron had found her. All she ever needed was love, security and rules. But Aaron and Robert's son will need raising, moulding, protecting, to be taught things. Yesterday, he harboured a quiet sense of confidence that he and Robert could do all these things. Today, on the beach, the future seems more difficult.

 

It had been a long road to get to this stage. When they had first talked about adopting, Aaron had feared that his criminal record would disqualify them from the process immediately. Thankfully, although it hadn't been easy and it had involved almost a year of waiting and pleading their case, they had been deemed eligible.

 

"Hey, Rob, I dare you to go in the sea," Liv laughed, the sound carefree and joyous. Aaron is delighted that she still has moments where she seems almost child like. That way, he can pretend that the day where she leaves Emmerdale behind is still years ahead of them.

 

Robert clambered to his feet, brushing stray bits of sand from his jeans. "Only if you do," he challenged her right back.

 

Liv jumped up, never one to back down from a dare. "You coming, Aaron?" She asked over her shoulder.

 

"Think I'll give it a miss, thanks. I'll wait here." Aaron rolled his eyes, as he watched his husband and sister walk down to the sea together, laughing and jostling.

 

It was turning out to be another really good day. But he still couldn't quite manage to shake off the memories of his last good day at a beach.

 

***

 

Aaron could just make out Robert and Liv horsing about in the water. He rubbed his fingers along the sand as he watched them. A small girl ran past him with a bucket and spade, accidentally showering him with sand in her exuberance. Aaron smiled and brushed off her chasing mother's apology. Memories of being that age were marred by Gordon's ghost, for Aaron. He began to feel uncomfortably hot in the afternoon sun, cursing himself for wearing a long sleeved shirt.

 

Aaron remembered running along the sand while his mother watched. He remembered her leaving mere weeks after and being left at the mercy of Gordon. He hadn't been much older than the child that Robert and Aaron will move into their home at 11am tomorrow. The thought made Aaron feel nauseous for reasons that he could not explain. They had looked at several children's files, before they had found a one that they made a connection with. He was a boy of five with a mop of light brown hair and dark brown eyes. He had lost both his parents - one to prison and to cancer - by the time he was eighteen months. He had been with foster parents ever since. His profile had pulled at Aaron's heart strings. It had been Robert who had fallen the hardest for him on their first visit. He'd been on the floor, helping him build his Star Wars Lego set, almost as soon as they'd gotten there. Aaron had been more cautious, scared of getting attached to the boy before things were set in stone. He had thawed as soon as Robert had brought him over with a storybook and placed the boy on his knee.

 

Tomorrow, he was coming to live with them and it would be his job to protect him. How could he ever do that when there were monsters like Gordon living in the world? He imagined his son, in fifteen years time, sobbing his heart out as he told Aaron that he had been hurt. Hurt that Aaron had failed to protect him from. He imagined looking into his son's eyes and seeing pain that he was unable to contain, pain that bubbled over into self destruction.

 

Aaron was on his feet and running before he knew what was happening.

 

***

 

Robert found him, sitting on the bonnet of the car. He knew that Robert could tell that he had been crying from the look of concern that washed over his face as he took in Aaron's hunched form. He nudged Aaron and silently gestured for him to shuffle along. Aaron obliged and Robert pushed himself up to sit beside him. The cuffs of his jeans were wet - a result of his impromptu padding session.

 

"Where's Liv?" Aaron asked quietly because it was easier than explaining why he was crying, alone, on a car bonnet.

 

"I gave her some money to go and look in the shops." Robert's eyes were taking Aaron in, assessing him. It had been a long time since he had seen Aaron like this and Aaron knew that it must be taking him back to a time when incidents such as this one were a regular occurrence. It was turning out to be a day where unpleasant memories rose to the forefront of their minds.

 

"I'm sorry," Aaron mumbled, frustrated that he had managed to ruin their day.

 

"Don't be sorry," said Robert. "Tell me what's wrong, instead."

 

"I don't want to upset you," Aaron said.

 

Panic fluttered across Robert's sun kissed features. Aaron noticed that his cheeks were redder than usual. He had forgotten to bring sun cream, Aaron realised.

 

"Are you having second thoughts about tomorrow?" Robert asked, his voice full of emotion.

 

"No, I want this," Aaron reassured him, putting a hand on his thigh. "But what if we're not good enough, Rob? What if we let bad things happen to him?"

 

"Where's this coming from, Aaron?"

 

Aaron sighed, knowing he was going to have to dredge up the past. He wished fervently that he could leave it all behind him, never have to think about it again. He was beginning to realise that was never going to happen, though. With every mile stone his and Robert's son reached, Aaron knew now that he was going to be reminded of `all of the happy memories that Gordon had robbed from him. First football match, tenth birthday, first day at secondary school. Aaron had already been broken beyond repair by the time he had experienced those things. But then, maybe, this was Aaron's chance to experience those things again, in a happier way.

 

He weighed up his words carefully before he spoke. "The last time I came to the beach, I was with my mam. It was the day I told her about Gordon."

 

Robert understood instantly. "Oh, Aaron," he said. "Why did you let us come here?"

 

"For Liv," Aaron forced out a smile. "It shouldn't hurt so much, by now."

 

"Aaron, it's always going to hurt." Robert squeezed his shoulder with his big hands. Aaron leaned into him a little, feeling instantly protected. "I can't promise you that nothing's ever going to happen to our son. Bad things happen everyday, we know that more than most. But I can promise you that anyone who wants to hurt him is going to have to get through me first." His words were intense and fierce.

 

"You can't protect him from everything, Rob," Aaron mumbled. "My mam couldn't protect me." Another tear leaked from his eye. He swatted it away with his sleeve.

 

"We can try our best," said Robert. "And that's all anyone can ever do. But I can tell you this for certain. That kid's going to be lucky to have you. You love harder than anyone I've ever met. And at the end of the day that's all that matters."

 

Aaron stared at his husband, already feeling the sadness he had felt on the beach beginning to subside. Robert has always had the ability to make him feel better. When he is with Robert, he feels as though he can get through anything. He feels loved. He recalled Robert, last night, worrying about Liv feeling pushed out. He remembered him seeing their son for the first time and instantly letting him under his skin and into his heart. He looked at him now, watching Aaron with concerned eyes, taking his worries and halving them like it was second nature to him. Robert underestimated his own capacity to love, thought Aaron. It's times like these when Aaron remembers that however far he has come over the past few years, Robert has come even further.

 

"I don't know," Aaron whispered. "You love pretty hard yourself."

 

"Then I guess he's going to be lucky to have both of us."

 

***

 

Aaron drove on the return journey back to Emmerdale. Robert fell asleep in the passenger seat, his head resting against the window. Aaron had felt his sadness slip away as soon as he had pulled out of the beach side car park. Some places were like that, he supposed - too full of memories and pain to ever really return to.

 

Liv tugged her headphones out of her ears and spoke quietly, mindful of Robert's sleeping form. "That's probably going to be his last undisturbed nap for a while," she snickered.

 

"We'll let him make the most of it, then," Aaron agreed, smirking at his sister.

 

Liv was quiet again for a moment. "Aaron," she said eventually. "Everything's going to change from tomorrow, isn't it?"

 

"Yeah, it is," Aaron replied softly. "You know that nothing can ever change the way we feel about you though, don't you?"

 

"Alright, no need to get all mushy," Liv laughed, rolling her eyes. "I'm not worried."

 

"You're not?"

 

"Aaron, I know you guys love me. You've put up with me for long enough."

 

"We don't put up with you, Liv. You're family. We want you around."

 

"Yeah I know," Liv smiled. "And you're going to make a great dad. So long as you're not too much of a soft touch." She laughed, probably remembering all of the things that Aaron had let her get away with when she first moved in with him.

 

"Thanks, I guess," Aaron snorted.

 

"And so will he." Liv nodded her head in Robert's direction. "But I'll kill you if you tell him I said that."

 

She shoved her headphones back in and curled her feet up underneath her. Aaron smiled fondly at her, appreciating her words. He glanced at the two most important people in his life, content in the knowledge that tomorrow he would be gaining a third.

 

Aaron Dingle was bruised and damaged and he would never fully be okay.

 

But he was loved. And he loved back. That was what mattered.

 

He was a husband and a brother. And now, he was a father, too.

 

He was frightened, apprehensive and unsure. But he was also excited. And he had never been so certain that him and Robert would find their way through this unchartered terrain together.


End file.
